CHAPTER SIXWhat a path was unfolding before me! I know I 'chose it' with the decisions I made...but I also believe that much of what I experienced was definitely blue printed by me before I came into this particular incarnation.
Would I do any of it differently? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't think the point is 'doing it over and getting it right' ...I think the lesson is in the living and the 'seeing.' That's what its all about...the experience of it...not the perfecting of anything.
I had always had a mixed mind-set of caring what other people thought...and simply not giving a damn. I think what prompted a bit of my 'living on the edge of trouble' was prompted my rebelling against my terribly strict upbringing.
My falling in love with one of the town's James Dean characters didn't draw any criticism from anyone, oddly enough. Let's just say--that I knew of. His name was Mike and I was completely taken by him...enough so that I would quit my very lucrative teaching job and want to marry and follow him.
One evening, much to my surprise, I received a visit from his mother. I never felt comfortable around her. I think it was just not part of my life's plan to 'get along mothers' in this lifetime. I never felt 'good enough' for any of them. This unannounced visit from my future mother in law (after 8PM,) saw her carrying two cups of hot cocoa for us to share. Actually, this visit was more like an interrogation than a friendly chat. She had always interfered with her son's mistakes... never allowing him to suffer the consequences of his actions...thereby raising a son who would never believe anything was his fault or responsibility. But, good ol' Maurine was very religious. Very. Church of Christ. Very fundamentalist... This church's dogma was based on what you may NOT do; what you were NOT allowed to have, to do, to think, or to speak. She wanted me to know she raised her son with Christian principles. OK. I'd play the game.
Mike would be joining the Navy and was told he would be stationed in California. Another of the high school teachers, Barb, and I had this bright idea we would get teaching jobs in California, teach there for a year. Then I would join Mike after Basic and we would live in San Diego.
Barb was a weird person. Being a very dyed in the wool -- extremely naive Kansan...she kept saying over and over again..."So this is California" as if we had landed on some alien planet. She lasted less then a month in California, packed up her old Ford and returned to Kansas. As it turned out, I did NOT like the job that was offered to me in the La Puente school system... Mike called me, said to come back home, we'd be married in Springfield, Missouri where his parents now lived...Besides, his assignment was altered and he was now being sent to Texas (god help us all) after Basic Training. So. I hit Route 66 back to Kansas.
Before we could get married, I had to undergo 'counseling' by a Church of Christ minister on the sacredness and duties of marriage. Plus, I had to agree to be baptized in their church (my infant baptism into the Lutheran church didn't count...) THAT was one memorable Sunday. They are dunkers. You have to go WAY under into the water in order for the baptism to 'take.' On my baptismal day, I had to go to this small back room, strip, put on this white gown... All the while Maurine was prodding me to hurry! So. OK. Baptism time. I was thorough immersed, came up feeling not 'saved' but extremely cold and very WET... while the good Christian members were praising God and singing hymns. Done. Back to the dressing room. Have you ever tried to put a girdle on over a semi-damp body? All women wore girdles back then. Even me at 106 pounds...I was struggling to get the damn thing on!--and all Maurine did was bitch at me to HURRY!..."they are waiting, you are holding up the service, hurry, let's go...come on, etc." She was such a bitch. But a Christian bitch.
Oh yes...pianos were the work of the devil...no musical instruments were allowed in in the "true house of the Lord"... but I must say, they did a good job of singing acapella. I so disliked that religion...they were some of the most holier than thou people I have ever encountered. They kept emphasizing that they had a corner on the "real truth."
We were married in the Springfield, Missouri Church of Christ. The next day we immediately drove to Kingsville, Texas, where Mike's Sea Bee Naval Base was located, where he would report for duty. That place was hell on earth. Scorpions, cockroaches, ants. Another fun thing was walking past the illegally employed Mexicans (thanks to the King Ranch) as they lined the streets, clicking open their switch blade knives as I would walk by. Dusty. Dry. Awful. While we were stationed in Kingsville, I became pregnant with Lori, and she was born there. During this time I was becoming painfully aware that my now-ex was most likely was not going to be faithful spouse. We did, however, faithfully attended the Church of Christ church in Kingsville. Didn't seem to help either one of us...BUT!!--we could tell Maurine..."Yes, mommy dearest, we go to Church every Sunday."
My daughter's birth was the first real highlight of my life. She meant everything to me. And, she was the first 'blood relative' I had ever met!
When Lori was but 4 weeks old, we started out move to San Diego, California, because Mike had been transferred to their for a brief period of time before he would be deployed to Viet Nam. I was thrilled to be returning to California.
During this time, my life was fairly 'religion-free'... Mike was now in Viet Nam, and I moved from the apartment in Coronado, California to Point Loma, a suburb of San Diego where Lori and I lived with Johnny and Aggie in this Portuguese area where most people were big-time tuna fisherman. All during this time, my mind was so blissfully occupied by my daughter and I loved my surroundings; the occasional trips to the beach...therefore, I didn't spend any time doing any kind of religious agonizing.
Upon Mike's return from Nam, we were stationed in Ventura for about a year...and then released from the Navy... we returned to...and lived in Salina, Kansas. I had gotten pregnant with my son Mike while in California and he was born in Salina. My marriage could only be called an absurdity...he had one affair after another and then begged me for a divorce. Of course, I couldn't harbor that idea, because, after all: What God has put together, let no man put asunder, says the Good Book...and also -- a good woman 'suffers'. What a crock of do do I believed in... I reluctantly agreed to a divorce, thinking he would "come back to me and the children" someday...but I never wanted him back after a year or so. I honestly never turned bitter. I was devastated, hurt, and upset ... but I never became bitter. I had what I wanted: my children.
Now, alone with my children, I started in getting curious about religion again. I say religion, because the word 'spirituality' meant nothing to me...yet. A fellow teacher attended the Episcopal Church in Salina, and since there was no Catholic church for me to start my journey on my ultimate path to Catholicism... I attended Mass at St. John's. It was very Catholic like... and so I joined that Church. This was Church affiliation Number Five.
Father Willis was rather nice...strange...but nice... He had buck teeth, a crew cut, and talked with a bit of a lisp. Lori, aged 3 and Mike, 6 months, were baptised into the Episcopal Church in a private ceremony. I didn't have to be baptised again.. because this church recognized by original Lutheran baptism as an infant ...to be 'official.'
So... I was mostly OK with going to that Church...although the people were NOT friendly. The Church structure itself was beautiful, but instead of having pews, it had many rows of these joined straight-back chairs made of wicker...and the kneelers were made of wood and not even padded!...Eventually, I became an Episcopal church drop out.
